What I've lost the most in closing up collaborative Black Walnut Collective (RIP) and opening up solo-project Bread and Butter Studio is a witness to my work. Of course, I gained independence and autonomy, but suddenly, there is no one to text and say "I did XYZ today!" (besides myself) and no one to then say "Awesome, I will work on the rest of it!" (besides myself).
Tuesday was exceptionally difficult and full of lonely ($$$) decisions and self doubt. I spent a lot of my day staring into the void of the world and wondering about my role and place in it and feeling unbelievably small and invisible. I cried a little, and I felt very alone, and then one (beloved and deeply valued) friend said "I see you" and the clouds parted and the sun came out.
Sometimes you have to ask for a witness. And praise the crew that is willing to turn their eye-beams on you.